I played Pee Wee hockey with this kid from Larchmont, New York, named Frankie Fleizach, whose dad was an ad guy in NYC. Class act, his dad, super down to earth, tied a mean skate, told me that the arcade game Outrun was not realistic in its crash scenes, blah blah blah, but I digress…
I was just watching Mad Men, mainly to see what kind of ill fitting but delectable top that red head that’s married to the snozzberry guy from the opening scene in Super Troopers* was in, when to my fascination there was a new commercial for Best Buy.
Best Buy is still in business? I thought that like in the same vein “somebody” finally beat the Whiz it would have been dead and in a heap on the side of Boston Post Road along with countless left baby shoes (don’t ask).
In this commercial a very respectable family of color is buying a television from the super duperly viewer friendly actor playing “Eugene” (his name tag slightly sagging on his audience tested “husky” frame). Somewhere along in this relationship, between this tandem that defies all conventions and goes right for our sentimental jugular vein, he waxes them into getting a Blue Ray (I still have no idea what that means) with a VIOS ludicrous speed modem. Oh and it’s like a 45 inch screen flat high def screen, which for sports is like “oh wow the seams on the split finger fast ball just pop right at you during the slow right-to-left dip across the plate” but in daytime talk show is more like “wow, I can actually see the Formaldehyde dripping from Barbara Walters’ nostrils.”
So as I am sitting here and am taking in this commercial I realize there are two schools of thought on what is being thrown down by Eugene, apparently somehow the guy at corporate wanted to be the face, the very very wide face, of Best Buy. One: wow this guy, this “un-threatening but slightly obese” guy is incredibly smooth in his delivery (which lends one to ask why he isn’t in a match.com commercial…). The other: this ENTIRE family that is out buying this “Brontasaurian” television and Blue Ray is way the fuck out of their economic element. I mean think about it: if you can afford to buy a 45 inch flat screen television with blue ray and all the accoutrement then why bring your entire family to the store? This looks to the casual viewer to be a corner-stone in the family montage to be aired after Eugene dies, I mean who doesn’t go shopping with their grandmother, mother-in-law, nephew, son, grand son and great grand son? Oh that’s right: white people.
BUT this gets better or worse, depending on your alcohol intake while reading this. Eugene gave us his rainmaker. It was his board room pitch to Donald. It was his Shark Tank pitch to that bitch from Douglas Elliman. It was that thing that the Bedstuy Police Department should have yelled at that naked homeless guy standing on the portico of a deli before they tazed him and he subsequently fell to his death. He threw out the line that he knew….that he felt in his heart of husky hearts would seal the deal on the Junior Varsity Huxtables. And I quote this word for word so the absurdity can shoot right out at you, drenching you entirely in “what the fuck”:
“And you can tell people “bam” I just updated my Facebook status from the couch.”
Let me dissect this on a few levels.
First: if they are the kind of family that can buy an egregiously enormous television, then chances are one of them has an iPhone, and last I checked, Facebook status (however annoying, dull or self serving it is) can be updated on that.
Second: You are on the couch. That cushiony yet immobile vessel for the lazy that is in the middle of your living room. I mean really?!?!?!? What could you possibly be updating me on? “on the couch, LOL.” “oh hey look, there’s the coffee table!!!!”
Finally: I have 3 black friends and they are all still on myspace.
I mean, honestly, Eugene, this is the best you can do on a nationally televised spot? The fact that I was watching you do this during the commercial break for Mad Men, a show about pitching products and selling dreams/ideals/options, and this is what you give me? You make me want to puke. Don Draper deserves better….well in this context at least.
I hope Frankie Fleizach’s dad is still alive and he can somehow sense the wrong that you, Best Buy and VIOS, have committed to society in general tonight.
Status update: on couch looking at lap top, disgusted with self for caring about this topic so much, ROTFLMAO9magent&@(#!!!!